We will miss you Cadence~terribly

Our beautiful Cadie girl is gone. She left before we could say goodbye and the tears I cry are filled with anger and rage, and confusion and hope and fear and guilt and sadness and extreme gratitude. I will miss my Cadie forever and have added her to my list of demanded answers to be met when it comes time for me to meet my maker. Another soul has left my life too early and taken a piece of me forever away with her. If she could speak, could she have told me there was something wrong? Did she know her time was near and will she forgive me going away when she was so close to leaving herself? Why don’t people without pets understand how hard your heart hurts when they’ve died? And why do we all tend to dwell on the sad things to recall when there are millions more of the good times to be remembered?
From the day I brought her home from the Hawaiian Humane Society, she has brought love and light into our home. She was the last pup of her litter left behind and the lady at the shelter told me I probably shouldn’t consider adopting her because she jumped and scratched too much. She didn’t think Cadie would be a good fit with a toddler in the house – Mikayla was about three at the time. We took her out of the pen anyway and into the viewing room to see for ourselves. Within five seconds I knew she was part of our family.

At the time, Mike and I had been planning on adopting two Boxers when he returned from his deployment, so when I told him I had brought home a puppy from the pound, and she wasn’t a Boxer, he was rightfully pissed at me. I promised that he would love her -- and he did. We all did.   Always listen to your heart.
It was immediately apparent that she was special in so many ways. A very smart girl. She learned everything quickly and spoke to us directly through her eyes. She didn’t need words. She looked like a baby Jack Russell when we got her so we were surprised to watch her legs get longer and longer as the months passed. Very unique in her looks and her ways.  She was my constant companion while Mike was away and Mikayla’s eternal playmate, patient beyond words. We took daily walks to the beach where she chased crabs and other dogs – the only dog in Hawaii who wouldn’t swim! She joined me on runs and hikes through the hills and loved sitting in the back of the Jeep for rides around the island. She had a very particular sound she made when she was happy to see you come home. Not really a bark or cry, but this high pitched cooing sound that was her signature voice. How I wish I had filmed her more often and captured these priceless lost moments.
Part of the agreement in loving a pet is acknowledging that you must prepare yourself for that day you know will come… when you must say goodbye. But like all things wonderful in life, no matter how much time you have, you want more, and when it’s over you can’t imagine living without it. That’s where I am right now. I want her back, right now. I want run for miles with her at my side and lie side by side in the sunshine and throw balls for her until the sun goes down. I want to cook her filet mignon and give her belly rubs and tuck her inside my bed with the fluffiest pillow. I want to tell her over and over how much I love her and how special she is to this family and much is it going to suck to come home everyday and not see her bouncing up and down at the wall when we pull into the driveway.  I am not ready to say goodbye dammit…not ready at all.

Of course, she wasn’t perfect, but she was perfectly real. . She dug holes, ate poop and stole food from the other dogs and the baby. She wouldn’t go out in to the rain to pee and she didn’t know how to walk on a leash without pulling your arm out of its socket. She could be a real pain in the ass, but she was OUR pain in the ass and we loved her.  If she was here right now I would let her climb right on top of the "good" couch for a nap and join her in the dirt to dig a new hole. I would take out my umbrella and get soaking wet the next time it rained just so she wouldn't be alone out there and let her eat all the snacks Arianna dropped without saying a word.  But its too late, and its over, and the finality of it all is so sobering. 

We've all heard and said it a million times.  Love every moment. Cherish it all. It's never going to be enough - you'll always wish for more when its over. Don't just say it - live it.
Cadence I hope you can hear me now. You have left your paw prints on our hearts forever. Thank you for your love, your loyalty, your friendship, your patience and all the joy you brought everyone who has known you. Thank you for being the best big sister to Max and Kimo, the best little sister to Tara, Mikayla and Arianna and the best furry child Mike and I have ever loved. WE LOVE YOU FOREVER CADIE GIRL - FOREVER.