Seven years without a Mom. Such a strange thought and so very hard to believe. I always imagined my Mom in her late 90's, doing astrological natal charts, reading tarot cards, hanging with her best friends and dragging those willing out on a Friday night for yet another weekend of dancing. Cooking all of Nonna's tried and true recipes for all us girls and our families on Sundays, and mostly being the pillar of family life she had become. I guess she had other plans and moved on to be the true Star she always saw herself as, just like the one in that deck of cards she kept wrapped in silk. The first year without her I walked the beaches of Hawaii and threw flowers to the ocean, the second year I left trinkets in the snow by her grave, and then each year thereafter - I now realize - I've pushed further and further from all the gifts and wisdom she shared with me, in some kind of denial/punishment/rage for my lack of understanding how someone so vibrant, health conscious, artistic and truly unique could just up and leave like that. I stopped the magic inside me and I only "real"ized that truth today. The magic never left me you see...I left the magic, and I forgot how to live with my TRUE self, the person I was shaped to become when I was born to such a clever/healing/loving mother. The last month or so I started re-visiting that little girl in me, who was fascintated with the stars and begged for just one more reading. Who liked to stand beside her mother with healing hands and draw the white light from the heavens, believing without a shadow of a doubt, that love and faith is better than taking two aspirins any day of the week! Wishing on rainbows, shooting stars, the flowers that you blow on as they take your dreams to the winds...all of it, I am feeling all of it again, and I will never let it go this time. Seven long years, it has taken my heart to mend, and the pieces are still a little tattered around the edges, but today, when I look out at the stars and I think of my mom, my first best friend, I can truly say I am at peace with her passing and I no longer feel anything but love and grateful thanks for every minute I had with her physically, and welcome our continued love that we undeniably share eternally. I am back to meditating daily, sending healing rays to all I love, reading up on astrology and even did an online tarot reading for my birthday - something she would have really dug!!!! I do miss her hugs though, even her sarcasm -and of course- her wit. But I proudly announce that today, I am back - 100% pure ME and it feels fucking great! By the way, that tarot reading I did online basically ended with the Star card as my destiny. I know that's you Mom, watching my back, just like always. I LOVE YOU RINA ANN TORRICE!!! XXOOXXOO
Her favorite tarot card - The Star - of course! Here's what it means...
What has traditionally been known as the Star card is about reconnecting one's Soul with the Divine -- the transcending of personality, family, community and reputation. It has to do ultimately with the freedom to be one's Self. The Soul is responding to celestial influences -- forces that can provide the personality with a stronger sense of purpose. The Star card helps us to remember our exalted origins and our attraction to a Higher Union.
This card could also be called the "Celestial Mandate" -- that which refers us back to our reason for being, our mission in this lifetime. The Star reminds us that, in a sense, we are agents of Divine Will in our day-to-day lives. If we let go of the idea that we are supposed to be in control, we can more easily notice and appreciate the synchronicities that are nudging us along. In this way, we become more conscious of the invisible Helping Hand, and we better understand our place within -- and value to -- the larger Cosmos.
