Daddy's little girl

We've had a most amazing weekend celebrating Arianna's first year birthday. So much so  that I haven't had time to post, but this beautiful poem from Mike must be shared immediately!  We can catch up on everything else later ~
click on picture to enlarge

First Holy Communion

This past Sunday Mikayla made her first Communion! We are very proud of her for her commitment and ongoing interest to learn about her religion.  We had to endure some tongue lashing and a few moments of disapproval from Sister when we missed some Sunday masses and a couple of classes due to travel, but through it all, Mikayla stayed the course and enjoyed her very special day.  Better pictures to follow from our other camera!

Fashion blunder of the week

Well, since I'm on a roll talking about things out of the ordinary for me, I thought I might as well poke a little fun at this beauty I caught galavanting around in our little town.  If the picture is too small to view, you can click on it to make it larger and see her fabulous ensemble of curlers, frock and go-go boots along with white shades to match!  One of these days I'm going to take some pictures at the grocery store and show you a real treat.  Its like they get ready for the clubs ten hours too soon, so they go and do some food shopping while waiting for the night to come.  I promise you are going to love it!!!

Izzy

Meet my little friend Izzy
This is Izzy, and this is what I did to Izzy a couple of weeks ago. So…I had the opportunity to go to the range, and suddenly, all those years I’d dreamed of wanting to be a sharp-shooter in an alternative life frightened me to pieces. Whenever I go to a carnival or amusement park, I am always most interested in the shooting games rather than the ring toss or hoop shots. Even when it’s just the water gun and balloon game - I don’t even care about the prize, I just like hitting the targets with precision. My most favorite game has always been at the BB gun shack which allows you to fire out the little red stars hanging from a piece of paper. So, when I found myself hesitating at the offer to fire some live rounds, I was feeling completely puzzled. This was the real deal here and I was feeling intimidated and frightened by the thought of using a “real” gun. I finally talked myself in to going, but I swear I don’t think I spoke one word the entire car ride to the range. I didn’t want to blow my opportunity to go, so I just pushed on and tried to act cool as I learned to load the cartridges and hold the guns properly. Not only was I a little worried about totally fucking up and shooting a toe off or something, but I was struggling with the idea that I was holding a deadly weapon and it didn’t sound at all like the real me that doesn’t particularly like any kind of violence. But that’s when I realized that it was better to have this knowledge than to fear it. Not that I plan on packing heat any time soon, but at least, if ever in a situation where I would need to know how to use them, I was now completely confident in Mike’s expert knowledge and safety precautions. I took my first shots with a 9MM and I hit my target! Once I got the hang of the push and pull of the hand position, I really started to enjoy it. In the end the only thing that still freaked me out a bit was the spent bullets that fly at you from the shooter on your left. They are hot as hell and a little distracting when you’re trying to focus. Someone just asked me today if I liked it. I said I still wasn’t sure, but now that I’ve had time to think about it more, I did like it and would definitely go back and try it some more. I wasn’t a perfect shot, but I’m pretty sure I could be. And as far as coming to terms with weapons, I’d rather know how to use them than not know and wish that I did.

Through the eyes of an 8 year old

A couple of years back, we bought Mikayla a Fisher Price digital camera - which turns out to be one of the best gifts she ever got.  At first she took lots of pictures of stuffed animals and her favorite television personality - Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer.   I didn't realize that she had moved on to more interesting subjects until yesterday, when her battery started running low, and I had to download the pictures before they were lost forever.   For a little kid's camera I must say I'm pretty impressed.  The teeny screen on the camera reveals very dark and grainy photos, but once they were downloaded I realized I've got a budding photographer on my hands.  My favorites here are the two chairs out in the backyard and the one of Max with his big ol' cheeks resting on the floor.   The way she got down on the ground at face level is genius!  Of course I was delighted to find we now had a few more priceless pictures of our beloved Cadie girl as well.  The basil plant seedlings made me realize how much of the natural world she has been exposed to and has developed an appreciation for.  I've been thinking about upgrading to a more semi-professional camera for some time now and had decided I would start taking some photography lessons too.  Seeing these photos has cinched the deal for me for sure.  Not only will I upgrade, but I may not have to look any further than Mikayla to get the most valuable lessons on viewing and capturing life - through the eyes of a child.

Decisions

As the weather grows warmer these last few days, I find myself torn between heading to the mountains or out to the sea.  In fact, I sadly had to decline an offer to go on a wreck dive the other day in spite of all this indecision.  You see, I had to wait for my first delivery of packing boxes instead, a fact that makes me want to jump in the car and take a long road trip immediately.  I've got a serious case of wanderlust brewing and I've got it bad!  There are still  a handful of monestaries and wineries that beg to meet me on a much needed day trip.  I still have to catch a glimpse of the elusive goat-like creature they call a Mouflon in the foothills of the island and the turtles will be returning to the beaches in the next few weeks.  I'm sure I accepted their offer to meet under the light of the next full moon and cheer them on as they find the perfect nesting site of the season.  Yes, soon enough we will be living from our suitcases again, as new chapters of our lives are begging to be told, but this epic journey is not over yet, and I've got a full tank of gas and an empty memory card on stand-by.  I've got an archaeological dig planned, and the next few Saturday mornings I will attempt to perfect my new found skill of pole jumping (not dancing!!!) on one of my favorite horses - Sparky.  We've got Mikayla's first holy Communion this weekend, and I will make my final debut working as the temporary Community Liason Officer while the "real McCoy" is away next week.  The calendar is filling up - just the way I like it.  And in all honesty, no, I am not ready to move on yet, but it is out of my hands.  I'm going to do what I do best and enjoy every damn waking second I can!  So stay tuned for a lot of great photos and stories as we wind down and prepare to move on.  I hope you find yourselves in the throws of just as many good times as the days get longer and the nights stay warmer.  xo

Mother's Day Gifts

Not only do I get the most beautiful girls as daughters, but the most thoughtful too.  My sweet Tara Bella surprised me with this compilation of my happiest moments - being with the loves of my life!  Mikayla surprised me with a handmade card and grape flavored Lik' a Stick candy, and Arianna gave me a big wet drooly kiss along with her biggest and bestist four-toothed grin.

Of all the things I've ever accomplished, being a mom is my greatest achievement and most rewarding life's work.  Thank you Tara, Ryan, Mikayla and Arianna for making me the happiest Mom on earth.  I love you guys! xoxo

Buon Giorno!

After years wistfully regretting not paying attention to my Nonna as she patiently tried to teach me her native language of Italian, I have signed up for an online course.  As it was in our home, very little of the language was spoken.  My dad only knew a few "choice" words and my mom and Nonna only spoke when they didn't want me to understand their private conversation, at which time my ears would perk up, but alas only the "choice" words stuck with me as well.  So far I have just completed the first two lessons and it seems  that although I never actually spoke the words, they flow from me easily and I am finding the meanings are easy to remember.  Albeit, it was just the basics, but I am feeling encouraged and excited.  Some may say that French is the language of love, but the passion and beauty of the Italian language stirs my soul.  I want to return to Italy and never utter a word of english while I am there.  I want to read the paper, understand the street signs and sing the songs.  I want to re-connect with my roots, my ancestry, my heritage.  I want to share it with my own children to share with theirs.  I suddenly realized that if I did not undertake this challenge it would be lost within one single generation - how truly sad a thought.  So forgive me if I bore you with my salutations of Ciao and Arrivaderci, but I've got a big job ahead of me right now.  I need to save some family history before it is gone forever.     Do you wish there are things you had learned but kept putting off?  As they say, there is no better time than now.  Get fired up and just take that leap, it feels great! Che bella e la vita... How beautiful life is.

May 1st - "May" Day - Vappu!

The Finnish celebration of May 1st has so far been one of my most favorite Spring parties.  On this day the city streets are closed to traffic as practically everyone in Helsinki comes out to play.  The celebration begins at the Havis Amanda statue by the pier, where students put a graduation cap on this bronze beauty and wash her down.  The year we were there, a couple of hard core partyers were also swimming around in the fountain that surrounds her.  Everyone wears their graduation cap for the day (they looked more like sailor's caps to me), and some were quite yellowed with age.  There really isn't any organized agenda after that, just a lot of meandering through the streets with friends and booze - LOTS of booze.  I think it was the only day I ever really saw Helsinki as a whole completely unreserved and noisy as hell.   Everyone is smiling in anticipation of the warmer weather and longer daylight hours.  You can finally put away your happy lamps for a couple of months and get some real sunshine into your eyeballs.   Its no wonder is one of the biggest celebrations of the year.  The following day families are camped out on every piece of green landscape available for the first picnic of the season.  The place looks totally trashed by the end of day 2 and you find yourself wondering how a whole country of people known for their reserved nature and pride of clean and pristine land only exhibit this behaviour one day a year?  Its like 11 months of pressure cooking for this one big bang.  But drive down the streets on May 3 and everything is back to normal.  The rubbish is all cleaned up, the empty bottles have all been recycled and an unusual quiet has returned...that is of course, only until June 21st, my second most favorite time in Finland...Juhannus!

Happy "MAY" Day everyone!!!

Some things I love about Cyprus

Pomegranate, lemon, olive, almond, orange, fig, walnut and eucalyptus trees.  Red poppies that blanket the fields in spring and giant rolls of hay throughout the countryside.  The smell of a sheep farm we still haven't found, the sound of the doves walking across the tiled roof in the morning, the church bells that ring right before 7 every day.  Roundabouts, left side driving, free-for-all parking rules and yes, the crazy driving too. Early mornings at the horse ranch, late night music from my neighbors porch and the smell of smoky meat cooking in my other neighbors outdoor oven.  The view of the Northern mountains from one bedroom window and sunrise from the other. Grilled halloumi cheese, hummous and pita bread, cucumbers with tzatziki sauce and octopus in red wine sauce. The history, the ruins, the Castles and beloved Aphrodite. The beaches, the turtles, the mountains and the sea.  Cyprus, I do love you!

Full Moon today

When I was pregnant my sister Sandi sent me an amazing book entitled " Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful: Experience the Natural Power of Pregnancy and Birth with Kundalini Yoga and Meditation"   Since then I've become a big fan of Kundalini Yoga.  Just last night I was re-reading a chapter from the book (no, I'm not pregnant, just wanted to brush up on some meditations) and one in particular jumped out at me.  It was a meditation for world peace and healing.  I usually do meditations at night, when the house gets quiet, and quite a few times I have even fallen asleep right in the middle of one.  Not last night though.  I actually saw this bright purple/blue light that grew larger and larger inside my head as I repeated the healing mantra and felt like I could sit there forever sending and receiving love.  I guess its what many may call the peace within and I tapped into it.   I was so excited !  I finished up with a prayer to all I love and fell fast asleep.  When I woke up this morning I had faint whispers of a dream last night that had something to do with Buddist secrets being shared with me.  Then the alarm went off and I went into mommy-mode... making breakfast, packing lunch and getting Mikayla on the bus and off to school.  After that I  grabbed my coffee mug, opened up my computer and found an email waiting for me which was an invitation from a friend to join her and others today in a full moon meditation. Apparently, in some circles it is believed that Buddha descends from His high place during the full moon in the month of April to bestow spiritual blessings on the world .  WOW!  I don't know exactly what it all means, but I do love synchronicities like these and I do believe in the power of prayer and good intention.  So join me today (or tonight) under the bright full moon and send this planet some much needed blessings and of course, save some for yourself and all of those you love!

Invictus

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley
 
I watched this move last night about Nelson Mandela and was so moved by his integrity and power of inspiration.  The title of the movie is the same as the poem that he kept with him while imprisoned for all those years, and it struck such a strong chord within me when I read it.  I hope you, too, find your own meaning to these words and a gentle reminder to be the captain of your soul. 
 

Ryan

Ryan - August 13, 1986 - April 23, 1998

Ryan, you inspire me daily to be brave, play hard, and push it to the limits if it feels good.  Our time was short, but so full, and I learned to live in hope and believe in you.  I still believe in you my little Superman, and I feel your love, and see pieces of you in each of your beautiful sisters.  You are still with me, with all of us, and when the night time comes and I close my eyes to sleep I hear your laughter and wait for the next time we meet and hug again.  Sleep with angels my sweet little boy!

Happy Earth Day

Only after the last tree has been cut down



Only after the last fish has been caught


Only after the last river has been poisoned


Only then will you realize that money can not be eaten.

-Cree Native American saying -

Earth Day Cometh

You know, even though I'm done with the No Impact Project, I am still a tree hugging, water conserving, waste reducing fool.  Every day I see or hear about the devastation humankind has caused this planet and I am truly mournful for the damage, but there are definitely times when convenience trumps conservation for me too.  You don't have to be a superhero Green Earth Warrior every single day.  Just don't stray too far for too long when you do have to fall from the path.  Ex: you can't or didn't bring along your reusable water container for whatever reason, then be damn sure to recycle that water bottle when you're done with it.  My last two weeks of travel did some serious carbon damage to be sure - we flew three planes just to get to our destination (gasp!) and since we were warned of water borne illnesses with the baby, we used loads of bottled water and regular disposable diapers and wipes (double gasp!).  At first I was feeling really sad that all the hard work I do every day to live more gently was compromised by taking this trip, but then my feet hit the sand, my body floated in the sea and I remembered that the reason I do all of it anyway is so I can enjoy an unspoiled beach and sleep with the windows open to breathe in clean, unpolluted air.  So we used some bottles of water yes, but we also didn't request clean sheets and towels daily.  Shoot, we didn't even have a tv at the first place we stayed, and when it got dark, we didn't turn on the lights - we sat outside, under the moonlight and counted seashells.  In a way, the first five days were so low impact we may have redeemed ourselves a bit for all the air emissions we contributed - the only thing on the island was our hotel, so we didn't use a car, we ate only local foods and showered in barely warm water.  Okay, so the coldish showers weren't exactly by choice, but each bungalow did have a solar panel on the roof.  The entire hotel turned off the electricity for a couple of hours during the later part of the morning which saved some kilowatts and Mike and I did our best to support the local economy by purchasing many tropical and brewed beverages :)
We're back now and I'm using the G-diapers again, packing school lunches in reusable containers and hoping to find some fun events on Earth Day (two days from now).  But when another opportunity comes to jump on an airplane to the next horizon, I'm going.  What's the point in saving the world if you don't get to see what a good job you're doing anyway?
HAPPY EARTH DAY

Highlights

Funny signs

You know...just in case you've forgotton how to use the toilet in Thailand!

Ah right, just what I want to do, stick my legs into a tank of disease and skin eating fish...

and you thought it was a joke!!!

We will miss you Cadence~terribly

Our beautiful Cadie girl is gone. She left before we could say goodbye and the tears I cry are filled with anger and rage, and confusion and hope and fear and guilt and sadness and extreme gratitude. I will miss my Cadie forever and have added her to my list of demanded answers to be met when it comes time for me to meet my maker. Another soul has left my life too early and taken a piece of me forever away with her. If she could speak, could she have told me there was something wrong? Did she know her time was near and will she forgive me going away when she was so close to leaving herself? Why don’t people without pets understand how hard your heart hurts when they’ve died? And why do we all tend to dwell on the sad things to recall when there are millions more of the good times to be remembered?
From the day I brought her home from the Hawaiian Humane Society, she has brought love and light into our home. She was the last pup of her litter left behind and the lady at the shelter told me I probably shouldn’t consider adopting her because she jumped and scratched too much. She didn’t think Cadie would be a good fit with a toddler in the house – Mikayla was about three at the time. We took her out of the pen anyway and into the viewing room to see for ourselves. Within five seconds I knew she was part of our family.

At the time, Mike and I had been planning on adopting two Boxers when he returned from his deployment, so when I told him I had brought home a puppy from the pound, and she wasn’t a Boxer, he was rightfully pissed at me. I promised that he would love her -- and he did. We all did.   Always listen to your heart.
It was immediately apparent that she was special in so many ways. A very smart girl. She learned everything quickly and spoke to us directly through her eyes. She didn’t need words. She looked like a baby Jack Russell when we got her so we were surprised to watch her legs get longer and longer as the months passed. Very unique in her looks and her ways.  She was my constant companion while Mike was away and Mikayla’s eternal playmate, patient beyond words. We took daily walks to the beach where she chased crabs and other dogs – the only dog in Hawaii who wouldn’t swim! She joined me on runs and hikes through the hills and loved sitting in the back of the Jeep for rides around the island. She had a very particular sound she made when she was happy to see you come home. Not really a bark or cry, but this high pitched cooing sound that was her signature voice. How I wish I had filmed her more often and captured these priceless lost moments.
Part of the agreement in loving a pet is acknowledging that you must prepare yourself for that day you know will come… when you must say goodbye. But like all things wonderful in life, no matter how much time you have, you want more, and when it’s over you can’t imagine living without it. That’s where I am right now. I want her back, right now. I want run for miles with her at my side and lie side by side in the sunshine and throw balls for her until the sun goes down. I want to cook her filet mignon and give her belly rubs and tuck her inside my bed with the fluffiest pillow. I want to tell her over and over how much I love her and how special she is to this family and much is it going to suck to come home everyday and not see her bouncing up and down at the wall when we pull into the driveway.  I am not ready to say goodbye dammit…not ready at all.

Of course, she wasn’t perfect, but she was perfectly real. . She dug holes, ate poop and stole food from the other dogs and the baby. She wouldn’t go out in to the rain to pee and she didn’t know how to walk on a leash without pulling your arm out of its socket. She could be a real pain in the ass, but she was OUR pain in the ass and we loved her.  If she was here right now I would let her climb right on top of the "good" couch for a nap and join her in the dirt to dig a new hole. I would take out my umbrella and get soaking wet the next time it rained just so she wouldn't be alone out there and let her eat all the snacks Arianna dropped without saying a word.  But its too late, and its over, and the finality of it all is so sobering. 

We've all heard and said it a million times.  Love every moment. Cherish it all. It's never going to be enough - you'll always wish for more when its over. Don't just say it - live it.
Cadence I hope you can hear me now. You have left your paw prints on our hearts forever. Thank you for your love, your loyalty, your friendship, your patience and all the joy you brought everyone who has known you. Thank you for being the best big sister to Max and Kimo, the best little sister to Tara, Mikayla and Arianna and the best furry child Mike and I have ever loved. WE LOVE YOU FOREVER CADIE GIRL - FOREVER.